Saturday, June 27, 2009

Survival of the Fittest

I was talking on the phone with my dear friend, Matt, last night. Though I've only known him for four months, I consider him to be one of my best friends. It is rare you find someone in life whom you really hit it off with right from the start and the friendship only continues to grow as time passes without a stopping point in sight. A friendship with a solid foundation built upon unwavering support and complete honesty. I am safely all in with him because I know I have that same support in him. I knew that God planned for us to meet under the circumstances we both were in to help each other. When I first met him, I helped him through a difficult time in his life. As he likes to put it, I "stepped up to the plate when no one else did". I hardly knew him, but felt so comfortable opening up to him. And vice versa. Since I met him, I have already seen his personality change for the better. He is more confident, comfortable in his own skin, and less self-conscious. I'm so glad that I could make such an impact on his life, and influence him to embrace the beautiful person he is-inside and out.

Now that you have the background 411 (I totally just went on a tangent there...sorry), back to the telephone conversation. We were just catching up on each others lives and talking through what both of our next moves would be in life. We got to talking about me-my journey up here, the struggles I've faced since my move that I normally try not to disclose, and my next move. For the first time since I came up here, I broke down emotionally and mentally. I started telling him how stressed, frustrated, emotionally exhausted, and scared I was. Being up here for a little over a month with no income, sleeping over-staying my welcome on friend's couches, applying to upward to 200 jobs, chasing my dream finally took a toll on my normally tough persona. I gushed to him everything I was scared about--my dwindling savings, being literally homeless, and having to throw in the towel and leave the city because I failed.

In the moments of my despair and mentalphysicalemotional exhaustion, he picked me up. He reminded me that sometimes when I feel alone, hopeless and not comfortable talking to anyone about my situation, I always have my faith to turn to. He told me, "Sometimes, your faith is all you got. You know I'm so proud of you doing all of this by yourself, having the drive to chase your dreams as hard as you are. I know you're ready to throw in the towel, but you know, you gotta think of this as a test. Sometimes God makes you go through these kinds of things to see how bad you want it. Don't give up too soon."

His words helped me remember my faith. He helped me refocus my mind. He helped me recall the theory of "survival of the fittest". Only those who are strong enough to make it through the storm are able to see the rainbow at the end.

Matt helped me the same way I helped him. That is the beauty of friendship. You pick each other up when the other is down and out. I'm so grateful to know he will be there the next time I need someone to turn to. And I will be there with open arms to pick him whenever he needs me.

Thank you, Matt. I miss you, and I love you. There will be an M&M reunion soon!

I've got a bone to pick...

Fox is coming out with a new reality show soon. Check out the preview below:



Looks sweet and romantic, right? Well, I actually don't like the way they're promoting the new show at all. Not that these people don't deserve a shot at finding love, I'm sure they do. But I'm concerned more so by the way they describe these women. "Real". So here is the breakdown in my head:

The antonym for Real=Fake
Woman with more curves/fuller=Real
Woman that are slimmer=Fake


So what exactly is it that makes them "real"? Their weight? And if that is the answer, does this mean that women who are slimmer and/or in shape are fake and superficial? That slimmer woman can't/don't encompass the same personality aspects as a fuller woman? It really sends the wrong message out and indirectly takes a stab at women who are slimmer. Granted, women with more curves have not really been included in these type of dating reality shows. They most definitely deserve that, and am excited that they are getting their chance. But why does it have to be promoted as "real women"? Can a "real woman" not be 120 pounds? And can a fuller woman not be a superficial bitch for that matter?

And to top things off, all these "real woman" are vying for a fuller man's love and attention. Does that mean that fuller people always attracts fuller people? That a slimmer woman can't fall in love with a heavier man? Or vice versa? Why does it have to be a common denominator? That is almost just like having a dating reality show just with Asian woman vying for an Asian man's attention. There is nothing wrong with interracial dating, so there shouldn't be anything wrong with inter-weight dating (or whatever you want to call it). It not only singles out the community of curvier people (not sure what the politically correct term would be, so I apologize if I offend anyone), but it also labels slimmer people as shallow, superficial, and unreal/fake. If they wanted to do the show right, they should of had a mixture of all different kinds of woman-all shapes and sizes and color.

Blame it on the current social problems course I took in college that prompted me to have a knack for catching these types of things. Or blame it me being cynical. Either way, this rubbed me the wrong way and still ticks me off every time I see it on TV. Two huge things wrong with that so-called sweet and romantic preview. Though I have a guilty pleasure for trashy television, this will be one I will not be tuning into. Think about the message you're sending to people, Fox. Seriously.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Job Hunt Update

So since the last time I've updated you on my journey, I just had an good interview with a company and was waiting word back. I was also waiting to hear back from the company I originally came up here and interviewed with. Since then, I've followed up with both only to have unresponsive parties on the other end. Just my luck. The hardest part for me to fathom is knowing how great the interview went but not hearing back. I know my feelings post-interview aren't just imagined--I'm not that delusional. So it begs the question: What went wrong? Why not me?

I came to the realization that great interviews aren't going to be enough in this city. No one is going to give me a job just because I know how to answer tough questions and know the right words they want to hear. I have to be more than that. There are hundreds of people, especially in New York, and especially in this job market that are capable of giving a great interview. On top of that, coming straight out of college starting out at the bottom of the totem pole doesn't really help much. Since this job market has been so rough, I'm not only competing for positions with other entry level candidates, but also those with work experience that have lost their jobs for one reason or another. I didn't expect this process to be easy, of course. At the same time, times couldn't be anymore difficult. It comes to a point where I have to be ruthless. This is my life. My dream. I can't let anyone get in the way of it. [pause for dramatic effect, right?!]

I know I'm being slightly over the top. Keep in mind I've been up here for 5-1/2 weeks with no income, no permanent place of residence (I'm back in Connecticut couch crashing, by the way), no family support system and no job leads. So I'm getting antsy, not to mention poorer and poorer. Initially, I was letting my finances dictate how long I would stay up here searching. But now, I don't know how much more mental stress I can stomach. If the job front doesn't change soon, as much as I would hate to do it, I may have to take a step back. I will grow insanely depressed every additional day I spend here forcing myself in a situation that isn't showing indications of being suitable for me.

Kind of morbid update, sorry. But you can't have any rainbows without any rain, I suppose.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

This Day in History

Today, an angel and a king left us to join our Lord in Heaven.

Rest in Peace
Farrah Fawcett
&
Michael Jackson


Though they are no longer with us, their legacy in film and music will live on.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Dreams vs. Reality

I had a dream last night that I was on a roller coaster and I couldn't open my eyes. No matter how hard I tried to open my eyes, they remained shut. Now I'm no psychologist, but I can take a stab at trying to analyze what that means. Without a doubt it is representative of the ups and downs I'm currently facing in reality. Although I'm not quite sure why my eyes were closed the whole time. Perhaps I started this whole journey/roller coaster ride blind-sighted. Or perhaps when my eyes open I will be able to finally see the ride I've been on and enjoy the journey.

Well, whatever it means, I know my subconscious mind is perfectly paralleled to my conscious mind. I just hope this roller coaster is coming to an end because quite frankly I'm getting tired of the thrills of the ups and downs.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Pick Me Ups

I knew that for some insane reason, hammer pants were trying making its way back into fashion, but I have no idea why since they weren't even hip in the first place. This video really does try to sell 'em though.



LOL...I would rock the hammer pants only if they did that sort of thing in NYC. If you didn't already know from this and this, I love these kinds of things-just makes my day!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Weekend in The City

This weekend has been a breath of fresh air for me. I always knew that the city has so much to offer but I think this weekend it really sunk in. I didn't even do anything extravagant and yet I'm still amped about being here.

Saturday night I went out with my college roommate to dinner and a movie. We got cheesesteaks and then grabbed a couple of cold ones before the must-see movie The Hangover at the Village Pour House (great selection of brews, by the way). It was all too familiar because she and I had visited this same bar and theater a year ago while going to the Sex and the City premiere. Except this time, we were much more sober. It was nice to have a low key but fun night in the city with a dear friend.

Today I started the day off my checking out mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral--such a beautiful and immense church. The service was just like a typical Catholic service and I have a feeling the church often has one-time attendees from out of town. The seats were filled with tourists with tour books, cameras, and I ♥ NY t-shirts. Nothing wrong with that I suppose; undoubtedly comes with the territory of being the largest cathedral in the U.S. Great experience nevertheless.

Afterward I walked down the 6th ave food festival for a bit since the weather was terrific. I didn't get anything to eat although everything looked appetizing. The corndogs, funnel cakes, and candy apples was very reminiscent of walking through the NC State Fair, except in New York City. Excluding the deep fried candy bars and cows (not deep fried cows, just cows. Live cows, I mean). I decided to go back to Chinatown and hit up a local bakery for a cheap, delicious and filling steamed bun. I returned back to the apartment to check out what was going on in the city today. Summer Jam looked fun, but expensive and probably too late to get tickets. Then I found out there was a Philippine Independence Day Celebration going on in Madison Square Park. That was PERFECT! I had been wanting to check out a Filipino restaurant in the city. In fact, I checked out citysearch and zagat to find a good one and I was going to have dinner there today (which by the way, both citysearch and zagat came up with Karaoke Bars as suggested other locations "that I might like" or that "others that enjoyed this place also enjoyed..." Haha...I'm not going to lie, that stereotype is 100% true. I am Filipino, and I love karaoke. Guilty as charged. But I digress...) so I figured this celebration would be a blend of good food, my culture, and the city. Once I got there I was immediately overwhelmed by all the brown people. LOL! Spanning from 23rd-26th Street and all throughout Madison Square Park, the celebration reminded me of an annual festival (Pista Sa Nayon) my family and I would attend when I was growing up in Seattle, WA. Except way bigger. I walked around for a bit taking it all in. It has been a while since I've been immersed in my Filipino culture, hearing Tagalog everywhere. I was then stopped by a psychic lady who prompted me that she "saw something in my future that she needed to tell me". After trying to refuse her 5 times, she insisted that she saw great things coming from "Hawaii or California" for me. LMAO! Sure...I bet she gets people with that statement all the time. Once she said that, it kind of enticed me but I'm not one to meddle in that silly stuff. So after she took me back to the reality that I was in New York, I quickly diverted my mind back to this Philippine-land that had been created in front of me. I got a plate of kare-kare (my FAVORITE that I hadn't had in years), a BBQ stick and halo halo. :)


Halo Haloooo!


Sitting there among "my people", listening to the language, watching the dancers on stage, and listening the Filipino rap music blaring really made me miss a part of who I used to be. Moving around so much as a military brat, I lost sight of my heritage and culture. It was nice to finally get back here. The only sad part about this whole ordeal was I was by myself. LOL! Hopefully I can get involved with some sort of Filipino organization so I can meet some fellow pinoys/pinays. :)

So I guess this weekend really wasn't about what I did that made it so exciting, but more so a preview of what I have to look forward to here in the big city. Thanks for a good time, New York. Keep it comin'. :)

Friday, June 5, 2009

Update of My Rollercoaster Ride

I sometimes wonder how different my life would be if my mother allowed me to skip the 1st and 3rd grade when I was younger and I was 2 years ahead of schedule on my education making me a 2007 college graduate versus a 2009 college graduate. Meaning, I probably would have had better luck finding a job in 2007 instead being stuck in the predicament I'm presently in. (Where was I going with this again??? Oh yeah...) I've been told by many people that this huge leap I'm taking is "badass" and "pretty impressive". Well, this rocky ride is telling me otherwise because if this is what being a badass feels like then I'm not sure I'm cut out for this life on the edge.

It has been nearly three weeks since I've moved migrated to New York. I say migrated because I still don't consider myself fully moved yet. Although I have no intentions of leaving I still have trouble breathing easy until I secure a job. Until then, its the same ol' searching for a job like its my job. Funny as it may sound, this process typically is time consuming and fills up a full working day for me. And I think in these past three weeks, this full-time job hunt could perhaps be drawing to a close. Here's where I'm at now:

I've left Connecticut and now am in the city house-sitting and dog-sitting for a couple while they are on vacation. Pretty sweet gig, the dog bull terrier scary creature is actually pretty chill. Their apartment is a huge full floor artist loft in Chinatown. Lol...yes me, being an Asian girl, has managed to have my first (although temporary) place of residence be ironically in Chinatown. I like the area I live in though, good food around and an easy walk to the subway. Unfortunately, its only until the 15th which means I need to find a.) another place to stay i.e. friends couch or b.) a semi-permanent residence. The only degree of difference between the two options is me getting a job.

I interviewed with another company earlier this morning and it went extremely well. I'm supposed to hear back from them by the end of this upcoming week so I'm crossing my fingers because the outcome of this job dictates whether I am on a friends couch continuing my full-time job search or finding a place of my own and finally working.

On top of this interview I'm waiting to hear the results of, I'm also still in communication with the company I originally came up here for. They still want me on board and have suggested that I go ahead and start working with them to ramp things up with their current major project. However, we have yet to discuss the terms of my employment (salary, benefits, job security, etc...) so I'm extremely hesitant. I am in no position to work for free or offer my services without a sense of where its going to take me. It's hard because I really like this company and it is exactly what I want to do career-wise. Hopefully they come back at me this week with some sort of assurance, or even better, a job offer.

Either way, this upcoming week can be a crucial turning point for me. I'm hoping I am offered both positions versus none. I'd rather have to make a tough decision with two great companies than be empty-handed. I'm extremely hopeful, and am itching in anticipation for what this short week has ahead of me. In the meantime, I'm going to take some time and enjoy being in Nyc. I mean, the ball is in their court now and out of my hands; I might as well just relax and explore what this beautiful city has to offer. :)