Past, Present, Future

Midway through my last year of college, I find myself frantically struggling to find the strength to cross the finish line. Juggling all facets of college seniority seems more like a daunting chore than the final victory lap in the best four years of your life. Keeping my GPA cum laude eligible, working restlessly to pay the bills, struggling to save money for life in the city, searching for a second job to make more money, searching for a job post grad, and maintaining a normal social life is seeming like too much for one to swallow. And if that is not enough, each stressor seems to taunt me in the middle of the night, keeping me up with nothing else to thing about but the subject at hand. I know life is not always easy, but this phase of transitioning from college student to college grad is mentally exhausting. Often times, I think back to times when money, jobs, bills and the like didn't matter. Times when the only things you were concerned about were...

...making sure you were a good girl for santa.

...eating all your vegetables so you can have dessert.

...doing your chores so mom and dad would buy you those shoes you've been aching for.

When did it change from simple to difficult? I keeping telling myself that somethings gotta go to give me a better balance, but everything I currently do is inconveniently linked to one another. I go to school to get a job, I work to get money, I need money to pay bills and save for moving to the city, I'm moving to the city for a job.

I used to diagnose my stress as chronic senioritis. But I'm starting to believe it might be something more than that. Perhaps fear of the near future. At such a crucial point in my life, I've labeled this madness a phobia of myself. When will I settle down? Will I ever settle down? Where I will be? What I will be doing? Most importantly, Who I will be? I have never had a problem juggling multiple things in a fast pace environment. But the unknown, ever close future is what scares the shit out of me. The diagnosis is labeled. So now the only question is....

what's the cure????