Past, Present, Future

Midway through my last year of college, I find myself frantically struggling to find the strength to cross the finish line. Juggling all facets of college seniority seems more like a daunting chore than the final victory lap in the best four years of your life. Keeping my GPA cum laude eligible, working restlessly to pay the bills, struggling to save money for life in the city, searching for a second job to make more money, searching for a job post grad, and maintaining a normal social life is seeming like too much for one to swallow. And if that is not enough, each stressor seems to taunt me in the middle of the night, keeping me up with nothing else to thing about but the subject at hand. I know life is not always easy, but this phase of transitioning from college student to college grad is mentally exhausting. Often times, I think back to times when money, jobs, bills and the like didn't matter. Times when the only things you were concerned about were...

...making sure you were a good girl for santa.

...eating all your vegetables so you can have dessert.

...doing your chores so mom and dad would buy you those shoes you've been aching for.

When did it change from simple to difficult? I keeping telling myself that somethings gotta go to give me a better balance, but everything I currently do is inconveniently linked to one another. I go to school to get a job, I work to get money, I need money to pay bills and save for moving to the city, I'm moving to the city for a job.

I used to diagnose my stress as chronic senioritis. But I'm starting to believe it might be something more than that. Perhaps fear of the near future. At such a crucial point in my life, I've labeled this madness a phobia of myself. When will I settle down? Will I ever settle down? Where I will be? What I will be doing? Most importantly, Who I will be? I have never had a problem juggling multiple things in a fast pace environment. But the unknown, ever close future is what scares the shit out of me. The diagnosis is labeled. So now the only question is....

what's the cure????

Only the Strong Survive

People who live in New York are some of the strongest people in the world. Just the other day, I was second guessing myself, and my ability to hang with some of the toughest people. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to make it. There are so many people that are just as thirsty as I am to make it in the city. What sets me apart from these other people? How can I stand out above the rest?

And then it hit me. All my weak questioning, and fear would be my demise in the city. What was I thinking? No one's journey to the top is ever easy. If it were easy, NYC wouldn't house such strong-willed individuals. I decided that I would set all my inhibitions, and fear aside- no more second guessing myself. Yeah, there may be people just as thirsty in the city, but damn it, I'm thirsty and willing to do anything to quench this thirst. I believe I have the qualifications and ability to be a part of this elite and envied group that is being a New Yorker.

Watch out. Another breed of bitch is coming soon. And she is so incredibly parched.

Labels or Love

Alas, I have decided what I would like to write about. After careful thinking, and spit balling some posts to get in the swing of this blogging thing, I have made a decision on where I would like to take my writing. In the spirit of my all-time favorite book/show/movie that coincidentally is about my all-time favorite place in the world, I will be writing about a concept derived from Sex and the City. Sex & the City describes that people come to New York for 2 L's: Labels or Love. As I mentioned before, it is my dream to move to NYC & become a successful copywriter for a top ad agency. As illustrated through "Labels or Love", that "label" is my sole purpose for coming to New York.

Through my blog, I will describe my experiences, thoughts, and observations that I endure while chasing my dream. Tying in the concept of labels & love, I will analyze how each experience, thought, and observation will make me better prepared to take on The City. Everyone has their own story of how they made it in the city. Here's mine.

Have a Meaningful Vote PLEASE

In an attempt to not reveal which presidential candidate I will be voting for on November 4th, I will try to be as neutral as possible with what I am about to say. I debated whether I should even write about it, but I can't help myself. So here it goes...

I was listening to the radio the other day, and the DJ was asking listeners to call in and tell who they were voting for and why. One person called in and said 'I'm voting for Obama because he's black.' Another said 'I'm voting for McCain because Palin is hot.' Since when did race or sex become a factor in elections? Both of those statements are extremely scary, and what is even more frightening is there are probably more voters out there that have this mindset. What does Obama's race have to do with what he is going to do for our country's economy? Or what does McCain's running mate's attractiveness have to do with what he is going to do for our country's health care? A respectful voter supports the candidate that stands for what he or she stands for. What if the person who is voting for Obama "because he is black" is pro-life? Or what is the person who is voting for McCain "because Palin is hot" is pro-choice?

I understand that there has never been a black man in office, nor a female VP. But with all due respect, it isn't about getting the first black man, or first female in office. Whenever the time comes for either of these to happen, it will be a great day in history for equality. However, the election should not be about getting blacks or feminists ahead. It should be about raw facts. In past elections, people did not vote for Bill Clinton because he was white, nor did they vote for Ronald Reagan because he was attractive. People voted for these men because they agreed for what they stood for and what they could do for our country. It should not be any different in this election.

This election will probably yield the highest amount of voters in our nation in a long time. And with good reason too. This election will also be extremely pivotal and dictate which direction our country will be headed towards. Don't you think as an American citizen, given the power to choose who will lead us, you can put more thought into your vote besides race and sex? Be educated about who these candidates are, and what they stand for. Be educated on whether you agree or disagree with their stance on these important issues. Be educated on what is going on with our country right now. With all this informtion, then assess who you think is the most qualified person to be the President of the United States. Rock the vote does not just mean register and vote for whoever. It means take control of your vote, and let your educated voice be heard.

So no matter who you decide to vote for, make it meaningful. People will respect your vote more if you say "I'm voting for Obama because I agree with the plan he has outlined for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan" versus "because he's black". Or if you say "I'm voting for McCain because I think he has the experience and wisdom to lead our country" versus "because Palin is hot".

a dream is a wish you heart makes

I have been dreaming a lot lately, and a few nights ago I dreamed that I was engaged to be married. I couldn't see my alleged fiance's face in the dream, but I could feel the joy and elation of being in love. Being at a young age of 21, I have never been in love with anyone. Infatuation? Yes. Love? Not even close. But this dream allowed me to step away from the harsh reality of my loneliness and truly feel the strong emotions of loving another.

Now, I'm not one to be mushy gushy. But after this dream, and after feeling what I hope love feels like in reality, I can't put my mind to rest about this small 4-letter word that holds so much significance. Crazy as it may sound, when I lay myself to sleep, I hope I will dream this same dream just so I can feel what I felt that night--utter bliss, unwavering joy, love.

I always loved this quote by Dr. Suess:

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."
-- Dr. Seuss

Now, I love it even more. So until my reality of true love comes along, I will meet you, whoever and wherever you are, in my dreams.

time

On my path towards "adulthood", I find myself at a critical moment in my life. In my last and final year at my alma mater, I find myself reflecting more than usual on the past 4 years of my life. Although I am overly anxious to walk across the stage, and be the first in my family to receive a college diploma, I can't help but think what happened to time? Here's what I came up with:

-Time happened when I was testing my ability (or inability) to hold my liquor at the infamous beer pong house every weekend, desperate to prove that I was not a noob.

-Time happened when I skipped out on a late night study session the night before a test to instead pull an all nighter out with the girls.

-Time happened when I did stay in and study for the big test the next morning...work hard, play harder right?

-Time happened when facebook, youtube, and perezhilton.com consumed my attention, further contributing to my chronic procrastination.

-Time happened when I pledged a co-ed professional business fraternity, and devoted a majority of my time using this to build my professionalism, social network, and taking all leadership opportunities thrown at me (including the title of El Presidente)

-Time happened when I struggled deciding what I wanted to do after I graduate, thoroughly convinced that I picked the wrong major.

-Time happened when I learned what the true meaning of friendship is through many failed ones [Insert Kenny Chesney's 'You Find Out Who Your Friends Are' music here]

-Time happened when I learned that college is not the place where I will find my soulmate; let alone a steady relationship having nothing more serious than a fling in 4 years.

-Time happened during countless football & basketball games, countless beer bongs at the tailgate, countless nail-biting games that sometimes turned in our favor, countless red-painted body moments, and of course countless "go to hell carolina"'s.

-Time happened when a combination of all of the above and so much more allowed me to grow up.

Even though it feels like just yesterday that I was a freshman eating easy mac and ramen on countless occasions, it also feels like I know more than I did back then. I am wiser. Still young and naive, but nevertheless closer to feeling like I have the experience, independence, and knowledge to stand on my own. So thank you, college, for the past 4 years of my life.

Online Status Update Addiction

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have picked up a new pet peeve. It involves something like this:

Facebook Recently Updated Statuses
Person X is "going to starbucks!" 3:32p
Person X is "writing my english paper" 3:58p
Person X is "wanting to go shopping" 4:15p
Person X is "procrastinating" 4:16p

Try this on for size: Person X "needs to get a life that does not consist of incessantly updating his status with myriad hopes that someone actually gives a shit what he's doing".

For those foreign to the world of facebook (or myspace too), people can keep up with what their friends are doing through something called a 'mini-feed'. One can see when someone changes their profile picture, is in a new relationship, has ended their relationship, comments on someone's profile, and basically every time someone blinks. Facebook is basically the big-mouthed friend that everyone secretly wishes comes down with laryngitis.

Through facebook, one can update their status. Facebook asks "What are you doing right now?" and you can tell all. Except in all actuality, no one really cares to get a play-by-play of your life. Unless you're a creepy stalker. Sure, the occasional, witty status update is enjoyable to read. But updating one's status every hour on the hour is pushing it. Hell, its bulldozing it! So why do people do it? Need for Attention? Compulsive Obsession? Pure Boredom?

For what it's worth, here's my theory: people are attempting to advertise and sell themselves by way of technology! People want others to know who they are, their personality. Through these status updates, one can easily "put themselves out there". Their stance on an issue (Person X is "Obama 08!!!"), their favorite hangout (Person X is "going to Rum Runners tonight"), their favorite sport's team (Person X is "GO COWBOYS!"), or any old subject.

No harm in allowing people the pleasure of getting to know you. Just do it the right way which doesn't consist of updating a web-based, big-mouthed friend. There is no need to lay it all out there; if one happens upon a conversation about a subject they're passionate about, then by all means share your opinion.

In a world where everything is turning to technology, human interaction and communication should not take that turn. Whatever happened to face-to-face conversations really getting to know someone? Enough with the status updates. Grab a life.

Firsties

Welcome to my blog! I know why I started this blog and the end result I want to accomplish through this blog. The only thing I don't know yet is the most important part in the journey: the stuff the goes on in between start and finish! I am unsure of the direction I want to take my blog, but it's a work in progress. Some of my thoughts have been:

-a blog that keeps record of dreams that I have
-a blog solely about my take on relationships and sex
-a blog about my first thoughts when I wake up
-a blog about how my life relates to an episode of Sex & the City (my all-time favorite show)
-a regular, personal daily blog

Those are just a few ideas I thought were slightly creative and interesting to read about. Maybe this blog can be a little bit of all of the above! Or maybe I will think of something more brilliant later.

The reason I am starting a blog is because I am an aspiring advertising copywriter. My dream is to live in New York City, and work for a top ad agency doing what I love. Through blogging, I want to tap into my creative writing skills. My hopes in this blog are not only to better my writing, but also to entertain you with the madness, the joy, the trauma, the highlights, and the intense and immense drama that consumes my cluttered mind. In life, I find myself to be the type of person who does not sugar coat anything, or has anything to hide. I want this to translate in my writing; No secrets in this blog. So enjoy the ride, because here we go...Bon Voyage!